The Most Important Key To Sobriety

The first thing I would like to share with you is what I believe to be the most important key to my recovery--honoring my feelings! It took me two years of therapy and plenty of emotional agony to reach this conclusion. I hope that by sharing my experience with you, I can help to make your own recovery process easier.


Honor Yourself And Your Feelings!

I had set myself up to run to my drug of choice whenever I experienced uncomfortable feelings. Usually this pattern starts because of our childhood experiences and the way we learn to survive and cope within our family system. In my family, it was difficult to express myself and feel loved and supported as well so I learned to keep things to myself.

Instead of looking for immediate gratification and relief through alcohol, I have learned in sobriety to accept and feel the pain that enters my life. The more readily I do this, the more quickly it passes through me. If I avoid it, it is still there and will emerge later in more subtle and less recognizable forms such as mental dysfunction or physical pain.

When I first became sober, I was overwhelmed by feelings of grief, anger, resentment and fear. If you want to get and stay sober, you must be prepared to cry, grieve, get angry, accept all of the feelings that you've been suppressing.


Down The Black Hole

These feelings may seem overwhelming at first like being sucked into a black hole. Your feelings will not hurt you even though it may seem like it. Trust that if it becomes too scary or painful, your body will know it and stop the process.

I didn't trust that my body knew how to navigate and heal and bring me back whole. I was afraid to lose control. My body began to shake all over, there was intense pain in my lower back, and I began to cry in a guttural way. I decided to just let go and follow my body and breath as painful as it was. It felt like giving birth.

Suddenly these sensations just left completely and there I was lying calm, no shaking, nothing. I felt as though a great weight had been lifted from me. Losing bodily control like this was a new and scary experience for me. It needed to be learned piece by piece as I was ready and willing to trust my body again. Slowly I reached the core of my true essence, that which I was born with.

Allow yourself to fall down that hole. Your emotions will overtake your body temporarily but if you allow the healing process to complete itself, you will eventually see a light at the bottom of the hole. You will emerge in one piece, feeling wiped out but a little bit lighter and freer.

This will happen with great frequency in the first weeks of sobriety. As time goes by, your feelings will become more clear to you. You will begin to notice which feelings you create through negative self-talk and which ones reflect your true self. As you learn to live your life with actions that honor your authentic feelings, these moments of panic will decrease.

Our goal is to develop this skill, always remembering that it is a lifelong process. We need to get used to allowing our feelings to present themselves rather than silencing them. As we learn to do this regularly in present time, we are able to live our lives with honesty and integrity, taking care of our true selves.

Become Your Own Best Friend

I also needed to reexamine the criticism and judgment I was an expert at placing upon myself. I thought this tactic helped me to improve myself but it actually became a detriment to my personal growth. I wasn't allowing myself to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on. It also led me to rebel and seek ways to escape the mental pain I had created, which in turn led to my alcohol consumption.

It was time for me to become my own best friend and support advocate. And in order to accomplish this, I had to accept and honor my feelings. I think this is the most important concept to maintaining sobriety.


Be Patient With Yourself

It's important to know that sobriety doesn't have to feel like a punishment, it's up to you to decide how you will look at your decision to get sober. You can choose to see it as a chance to get to know yourself and become who you really are. It's not an easy process but the rewards are more than I ever imagined. In learning to accept life's daily challenges, I have become a much stronger and happier person.