Read how one woman successfully mastered her addiction... by using the on-line Women for Sobriety Program message board!
In September of 1999 I discovered a Women for Sobriety message board on AOL. Home from work one day, hung over and hurting, remorseful, ashamed and afraid, I turned to the Internet to help me in my search for sobriety. I literally stumbled upon the message board and was amazed at what I found. A community of women, in all different levels of sobriety. I was impressed with their knowledge, their positive attitudes, the way they looked out after and encouraged one another. They were sober and happy! I liked the humor and lightness I saw there. Could I really feel that way sober? These women showed me that recovery didn't have to be depressing and shameful, dredging up past wrongs. I wanted what these women had. Badly. Yet, I didn't believe I could achieve it. I was different. I wasn't like them. I had too many problems. I wasn't as smart as they were. I didn't have as much money. I wasn't as educated. There was no way I'd measure up. They wouldn't accept me. I was a loser. And as long as I believed these things about myself, I would be all these things. After lurking a few days, I couldn't resist. I posted one morning, after a few days of sobriety. I was so excited and wanted to share it with this group of women, who I'd gotten to know over the past few days. I had gone back in time and read hundreds and hundreds of old posts. I felt I knew all the gals there. Forgetting about my self-consciousness I posted a breezy hello. To my delight and amazement I received numerous responses. Oh my God! I posted again, and received more responses. It was amazing, this Internet. I was talking to strangers all over the country. Prior to this I would use e-mail occasionally, but rarely surfed. It never occurred to me cyberspace could be a tool for support. I began to develop a rhythm to my days. I'd come home from work and go directly to the message board. It used to be the drive home from work was fraught with thoughts of to drink or not to drink. Inevitably I'd stop off for the bottle of wine and uncork it minutes after walking in the door. Now I couldn't wait to get home and fire up the computer and see what the girls were up to. I was beginning to develop friendships, genuinely caring about these women I might never meet. It also filled that time I would have been drinking. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was learning so many things, on so many different levels. After isolating myself for years, drinking alone at home, I was reaching out, learning how to trust again. I was opening up and learning how to make friends and be a friend. I was learning about the Women for Sobriety Program and how to get and stay sober. I was starting to become aware that there was a program behind this message board: one that could help me create a new life. I wrote to WFS and got the starter kit. I ordered tapes and books and the newsletter. I began to immerse myself in all things WFS. I used the Statements as affirmations, every morning in my car, on the way to work. I'd stay on each one until I felt comfortable moving on to the next. Truth be told it felt weird, so fake to be saying these things. But I kept it up because I saw the end result. I saw these women on the board who had what I wanted. And I did want it. It just took me awhile to get it. In retrospect I'd like to think that during those six months of fits and starts and more day ones than I care to remember, I was building a foundation. Piece by piece. Statement by statement. Some statements proved more challenging than others. Particularly "The Past is Gone Forever," "Problems Bother Me Only to the Degree I Permit Them To" and "Negative Thoughts Destroy Only Myself." I was habitually negative. I'd get overwhelmed by my daily life and run to the bottle for solace. It was scary, this getting better. But I plugged along, slowly, surely moving forward. I was soaking up a lot of wisdom on that board, without even realizing it. I think what had the biggest impact was how much the women on the board encouraged me. They had so much faith in me. Their belief in me carried me forward and taught me how to believe in myself. They saw something in me well before I found it. At first this attention scared me. I didn't believe them. I thought they were just saying it to be polite. But I kept coming back, and in time I began to believe they might really mean it. I started to feel good that someone cared about me and thought I had potential. Perhaps I did. I continued to read recovery related material and books, particularly Jean Kirkpatrick's, who founded Women for Sobriety. I was a student of sobriety, anxious to learn all that I could. I still ran to the board every day after work, but for different reasons. No longer just to avoid the drink, but to participate in this sober community. I was now a part of it! Me! I fit in! And it was finally beginning to dawn on me that maybe I was okay. Maybe I did have something to contribute. Maybe I deserve this thing called sobriety. Maybe these women were right. Over three years later I'm still coming to the board daily. I've met one of the women and I've developed deep friendships and talk on the phone to many of them. I enjoy quality sobriety and can't imagine any other way to live. I am happy and healthy. I'm capable and competent, compassionate and caring. I'm a 4C woman extraordinaire. I didn't get here overnight. And not without some heartache, much change and a fair amount of fear. That first year was tough. I felt good physically, with the alcohol no longer in my body. Mentally I was a mess. I had a lot of fear and anger. I saw the areas in my life that needed attention and felt overwhelmed by the task. So I just focused on not drinking and moving forward, day-by-day. I continued to immerse myself in recovery. I began attending WFS face-to-face meetings. And eventually, without even realizing it, I began to feel good. I learned to take the tools I learned, in books, at meetings, from my friends on the board, and apply them to the challenges in my life. Once again, I pulled out the Statements and they were powerful motivators. "I Am What I Think," "Enthusiasm Is My Daily Exercise," "All Love Given Returns" and "I Am a Competent Woman and Have Much to Give Life." These became my favorite mantras, and I repeated them daily until I believed them. And you know what? I believe them. I really believe them. I feel it in my bones. And knowing these things, feeling this sense of confidence and the power of a positive outlook has changed my life. I've faced many challenges in sobriety. Challenges will always be there. How I react to them and what I do about them is what's different. Not drinking was just the first step. Truly learning and living the program, being the best me I can be was the next step. It's given me a rich, full life. I'm eager to see what else awaits me. Deb Sellars Karpek About the Author Deb Sellars Karpek's
sobriety and quality of life are a direct result of her participation
in Women for Sobriety. She is a role model for new women coming into the
program and helping them is a form of giving back, which strengthens her
own sobriety. Where this article appears This story was reprinted from the book, Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul, Your Personal, Portable Support Group with Stories of Healing, Hope, Love and Resilience, with permission from the author. It can be found on page 37 under Section One (The Recovering Journey) and is entitled "A 4C Woman." To order this book and to take a look at other Women for Sobriety support materials, visit http://www.wfscatalog.org/
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